looking 4 advice personal family matter---

hi there---im so stressed out i havent ate in 2 days i cant seem to eat? my 13 yr old daughter went into a horrible rage monday night over me grounding her from her cell phone--she has never shown this type of anger before--but she hit me and kicked me in the stomach and pulled my hair all over this phone---i was so upset i cried for several hours non stop confused why would she do this to me? out of the blue i was not expecting any thing like this at all---now im feeling so terrible i had her admitted to adolecent psych hosp-she feels like i abanded her i dont want her to feel like that--i know what she did was wrong and i cant tolerate violence and i felt she needed help ---i saw her today and she cried the hole time i was there as a mother this absolutly tore my heart into i actually felt my heart tearing into pieces-----i really have no one to talk to my mother passed away from breast cancer in 92 so i really have no one there to talk too im just a nervous wreck and im concerned i cant eat because of this -------

i will talk to u. i will email u my personal email and phone number. I am only 22 but I have 2 children. I know both sides of it. I can talk to you.

hi there~ thank you i did get your email and # ill defintly keep in touch with you and thank you for being there for me--

Missy,  I cant say i can tell you the right thing to do,  as i have made mistakes as a parent myself,  but my sons are 32 and 33 and i have a daughter 16 and i currently have custody of three grandkids 7, 11, 13 and the 13 year old is a girl... i know how they are.  She gets mad and has fits some times, she has never hit me because she knows i will call the police and have her taken out of here and she wont be coming back.  but first i would knock her on her butt.  I dont tolerate violence either.  I have taken cell phones many times,  Dont give in,,,, your the parent, if rules arent followed you have to have some sort of punishment or should i say privliges revoked. I tell mine, having a cell phone or a tv in your room or a computer is a privilage, not all kids have these things, if you dont mind the rules of the house then you dont deserve these privilages. PERIOD!!!!  You have to do what you find in your own heart but just know that you arent alone.  your daughter will thank you once she gets past the mad spell and after counseling she will realize  that her own behavior put her where she is.  Just keep reminding her you love her but you cant allow violence against you or any one else.  What if the tables were turned and you had beaten up on her??? she probably wouldnt think that was right no matter what the reason was.  You are not to blame and you done the right thing as far as i am concerned.  Just be patient and see to it she gets counseling and you are doing all you can as a parent.  She knows you love her and she knows this is killing you.  I would bet in the next couple of days a big ole hug and an Im sorry will be coming your way... i will keep you in my prayers,  Hugs, Carla

thank you very much- i just felt so alone and confused and need some support through this and i knew yall would help me----i am struggling every day i am meeting with a family therapist and we are going to make out a rule plan and  if rules are broken the consequences that will happen ---and ive always been the softy that always gave in to the kids and now im paying for it i guess---but her hitting me i cant tolerate that i do not like it---i dont  want to live like that--i just feel like she is going to think i put her there to punish her and by no means do i want her to think that--i put her there because she was dangerous and coulda hurt me i just had the surgery and her kicking me in the stomach coulda been deadly and if it happen once it could again and i thought this would help her --my kids are 13  11  9  7   so im a very busy mom maybe i need to spend more time with her i donno---im also worried ive not been able to eat anything in 2 -3 days i  been drinking some but not enuff- i just a nervous wreck at the moment trying to recover with this surgery then this is alot almost to much 4 me to deal with---

Try to get in something with protein, you need your strength for the other kids and to keep up with your daily duties as a mom.  i know its easy to say but harder to do when you feel like your life is upside down but please dont let yourself get dehydrated or malnourished or you will be in serious trouble.. .did you get checked out by a Dr. after this happened?  just to make sure your pouch is ok.   BIG OLE HUG!  Carla

Putting your child on a psych unit is a hard choice, but may be necessary. You cannot tolerate violence against you, and such a rage really could be a sign of some problems. If she can get help now, it will be better for her, than waiting till something really bad happens, you know? I support your choice. The easy thing to do would be to give into her, but it wouldn't necessarily be the right thing to do.

thank u so much---yes i think i did the right thing too-i just feel horrible and im sure its only natural to feel this way because shes my daughter and i dont want her to think of me as a bad mom i donno?  she defintly hates it there i went to see her today she cried the hole time so im hoping she will relize she cant hit me i dont hit her and i dont want hit---i guess this is what i get for being so leaniant with her and always giving in to her ---but hitting is something i will not allow and i had to show her that hitting means she has problems and they need dealt  with and shes in a safe place and they can help her---i have never seen this outta her ever i defintly was not expecting this at all it sure broke my heart into piece that pain was unbearable---but i know things will get better in time--

Unfortunately you have set a precedent of "giving into her" as you put it.  She knows your pattern.  You did something she didn't like and you didn't give into her this time.  Of course she's going to give in.  Kids today are very manipulative and know that there are laws out there that will not question them or their input into a situation, instead accuse the parent of something.  Kids love to see parents "get in trouble" so to speak.  Bottom line is this:  YOU are the parent.  YOU cannot allow a chid to rule the house, especially at such a young age or you will be the one suffering in the long run.  A temper tantrum is an immature response to an unwanted situation.  Stay strong.  Follow through with whatever you say the consequences will be.  I deal with kids that are on probation and see how the parents give into them daily and have for years.  Several kids throughout the years have told me that they wished that they had an actual parent who set rules for them and not someone who wanted to be a friend or who was more worried with a boyfriend etc.  THAT says a lot.  Kids need discipline and consequences.  Parenting, especially single parenting (I know, I was one!!!) is the toughest job in the world and I wouldn't wi**** on anyone.  BUT it is rewarding when the teen years are over.  Until then you will cry more than you know, be more frustrated than you ever wanted to be and many times feel alone.  BUT keep going on one day at a time and BE CONSISTENT.  Do NOT let them feel that THEY are the one setting the rules in the household!!!   Good luck!!

Stacy

thank u so much to your reply--and i agree with u 100% ---i plan to go to the family counciling to help me set rules and stick to the rules i feel this is very imp* because i cannot allow this type of behavior-and you are very right she didnt like being grounded from her phone and she went into a rage---but i feel she needed help and this was the best place for her because i have other children as well and i defintly dont want them to grow up like this so, its time to change our life style and set rules and consequences for each of the children---and im going to try really hard and be strong and folloe through on everything to prevent this type of behavior ever again-----i really apreciate your response---i dont have much support out here so, i turnt to a great support system on here you people are absolutley wonderful-------thx again--